What do I want to do? Occasionally I just don't want to do anything. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in my next life. I don't know. Then other days all the worlds a stage! I just can't seem to get on the same page more than once.

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They say you have to suffer for your art. Well dammit I think I've got that down. The last six months has given me inspiration for all sorts of work I just don't know where to channel it.

Weak

Its funny. I didn't want a relationship for a long time. Now I've become accustom to it and it makes me feel weak. I cannot tell him how I feel because he'll just say I'm being dramatic. I dont want him to do things but I can't tell him because then I'm controlling. I find myself being jealous which I hate. I wish I was of those girls that could be easy and polyamorous. I'm not. I wish I could brain wash myself to be more of who he wants, but I can't. I'm no jezebel. I'm weak and a push over. I allow myself to be walked over then get mad after. I'm a tiger waiting for her mate to die so she can move on.

He'd be better off without me judging and causing him grief. This being in love crap is going to kill me. I like to lie to myself when I lie to him. Hoping one day I'll believe it. Some days I think I'm cursed others I think I'm blessed. I thought it was meant to be and the last month was a test, but now I realize its probably goodbye.

I wish I were a whore so I could believe in sex without hurting the love ones. I wish I could be a hedonist. There's just not enough purell in the world.

"what use is a paper heart in the pouring rain?"


The vampire and the tiger.....sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Hopefully next time I won't be the butt of it.

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