Things you don't do in public #1 belch if you are a woman. People just give you bad looks. Sometimes we get gas too and can't swallow it down. It happens.

Running into thoughts

You ever just run into a thought and not realize how much it has changed you? I had a thought as I woke up from my nap before work (didn't get a full nights sleep) what would it had been like if I had died before I graduated??? How many lives would be different? Have I ever influenced someone's life so much that it would be completely different without me? Would it be good or bad or both? Then I realized this wasn't the first time I had that thought. Back when I had been given the death sentence I had a thought about what the world would be like without me and that is why I make a point to always bring the cheer or attitude. I want to make one moment in everyone's life I meet unforgettable. Even if they only remember me for that moment and have no recollection of who I am but that moment changed something in them.

Point in case is at my new job there's a female who was friends with my boyfriend at the time and now I work with her. Something I did almost 10 years ago pissed her off so bad she's been bad mouthing me. I have no idea what it was and hardly remember her but she never forgot me. When we ran in the same circles I was nothing but fun so it's probably some crap about a boy or we wore the same dress something lame, but it made a difference in her life. What more can I ask for?? Make me a legend, I'm worth it lol :)

Weirdest story ever told about me started with, "yea my girlfriends a lesbian but she's in love me..." Most honest story I've told ended with "yea I'm a lesbian, I just happen to have fallen in love with a man." Strange shit happens and you cannot choose who you're going to love. Let love be love no matter what. I took that hit from the gay community and I've taken the hit from the straight community. My track record was women until I fell in love with my best friend. Shit happens and that's why they invented toilet paper. Why does it matter to you anyway when you're gone through 3 divorces but I can't have one marriage???

Cheating??

So I had a long conversation with a friend and tried to define what cheating is. From my pov and the way I think of relationships in general determines what cheating is for me. Cheating is getting emotionally or physically involved behind someones back. Right now the relationship that I am we both know that the mundane need to marry and settle down just doesn't make sense when your life expectancy is more than 30 years, and the til death do us part makes no sense at all. There are things, very few things, that I am not willing to do or just feel uncomfortable doing sexually so I cannot hold someone else from things that they enjoy. My partner is allowed to make sure those needs are met as long as I know about it and it doesn't happen too often. The same goes for me. No! emotional involvement ever. If there is even the smallest inkling of some sort of emotional connection it is time to get out of that one time fling b/c that becomes dangerous ground. Been there destroyed that, not fun. Love and be loved.

Now my friend feels that cheating is anything with anyone who is not the person you are committed to. Committed to also means living together even if you are in an open relationship. Holding hands, kissing, most def anything of the sexual nature and even simply flirting. Not quite that Christian sense of biblical togetherness but damn near close. It kind of made me feel like a sexual deviant and just plan dirty and wrong. Well, until I realize I have a lot more fun. He was hurt though. Very hurt by someone who lied to him and that formed something inside of him and he needs to not hurt any more or again. That I understand. When shit happens it changes you especially when its something that burns into your psyche. Be one and with one.

Most importantly be true to your self. Don't let anyone tell you what you should feel or how you should act. Be happy. I still try to get married even though I don't really want to just b/c it was ground into me when I was little. I know that I will not be happy in marriage right now but its still inside. I am not a slut by all means. I can name most if not all of my partners and in the last 4 years i can count them all on one hand.....ok 2 hands. I know what most of them are up and we're still very close. I am very careful and not an idiot. If I'm going to catch a disease and die it will not be a STI, for sure.

Cheating.....what is it? why is it?